It has been a while and I need your advice

So I have been missing for far too long, for years in fact. The reason behind my absence was due to my rough patches through medical school. I am willing to continue telling you about my journey but I need a little help. I need to know if you my readers are still interested. So are you, please let me know?

Part 5: Hopes vs Reality

The mid term exams for 3rd form, tests your knowledge from the September period to December. What have I learnt, or rather what can I recall?

First of all let I say, at this point in life I still considered myself average. I might have had the drive to reach for the stars, and I might have been putting in the effort to reach there but even then I was still average. I was aiming for that 100% but as the exams passed one after the other, I realized I felt better for subjects I truly love, than for those that were just mandatory at that level. But even that wasn't an excuse to do terrible. 

Exams passed and it was off for the holidays. How did I feel about the exams one may ask? There was no solid answer to that question. I was hoping for that 100% but I didn't feel that was going to be possible again.

I think it was from that cognitive level that I started to deal with "facts" rather than "hopes." I didn't see the sense to actually hope for something which "facts" contradict. If I go into an exam and couldn't answer a question, especially if left it out, once I left that exam room I wont HOPE that I get 100%. I would rather say I don't think I get that 100%. People tell me to stop look at things negatively like that, but honestly I cant stop. There is no way one can expect riches from a blank slate; therefore I need factual actions to receive factual results. That is just the way I think. 

I am not pessimistic because I do have high positive hopes for the future. It should be known though that those positive hopes are only a results of my past and present assiduous actions. If for any reason I wasn't trying enough to meet up with my goals, there is no way I would still have such high hopes for my future.

I am here trying to scrape words with my finger tips on my fortified blank slate. The fundamental toughness of such a slate has made the epidermis, surrounding my digital pulp in my fingers, bruised. But even pain wont stop me from making those words visible, because when my slate is finally full, I will be satisfied, happy and non-regretful.

You have just received a new peak in my brain.

Part 4: Look at an Easy Challenge from a Different Perspective

It was etched into my skin by rumours to believe that 3rd form would have been extremely difficult. 16 subjects ranging from 'business' to 'sciences' were responsible for such a scaring tattoo. A tattoo soon to realize that was innocuous.

Basically 3rd form was a breeze comparing to other years. All notes barely skimmed the surface of information and there was nothing really, to pressure your self to study for. It felt different. It felt easier and it messed with the new me.

I started the year with the plan to study at least once per day, well let I rephrase, to go over every notes once per day. It became so annoying and repetitive I couldn't stand it. Everyday would feel as if I am hardly learning anything. I had to do something. I decided to study once per week instead of per day, and that felt better. I can't say I was absolutely punctilious to my schedule; studying became absolutely boring.

The boredom built up and my study patterns changed again until it was once per month, and even then I had no problem remembering what I studied.

I didn't know what to think. Was I accomplishing the goal 'to challenge myself and succeed'? I had no idea because the year was honestly not challenging. Maybe my classmates felt the same way. Maybe they too had foresaw the ease of that year's oncoming exams. I wouldn't have asked them really, for I was too afraid of the ability gifted to humans to lie.

I was looking at the wrong picture, the challenge in this period in my life wasn't just to ace a class. Because all classes were almost able to be aced. The challenge was to duel my classmates to see which one of us could land on top (without stepping on each other). The class was easy to ace, but classmates were more challenging. So why not switch to the harder route? After all my mission was to pick the hardest challenge and succeed at every challenge.  The pass mark for the subject was no longer just 70% or 90%, it was rather 100% because only at 100% I would be certain to land on top with /without a friend. That was my aim.

Part 3: Back on track

8th grade exams came along, and to be honest I tried. Everybody else might think I had only idled but I guess that was just a cover up so that most people didn't have high expectations of me. To be quite honest, I never like when people had high expectations of me at all. It made me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. I felt like my whole world would crumble if I had failed.

I can remember how sure I was that I passed Mathematics and Sciences. Those were the two subjects I really had the highest and most certain hopes for. At first I thought, it was solely my studying that lead me to have high hopes of those two subjects but I was wrong. Yes, studying was a major part but that wasn't all.

The decrepit shop that was attached to my house was responsible for my mathemical acumen; something that wasn't relevant then but completely essential now. It was for that small shop that I, at the ages ranging from 5 to 12, had to serve those annoying customers that came along; but I could not complain for it was for them that I had lunch money.

My friends and I said our goodbyes and farewells as we went off for the holiday. School work aside, it was time for me to relax and relax I did. Woke up late everyday and watched the days roll by. Sooner than I thought summer was over, and I didn't do anything productive even though I had planned to. Such a waste. Such a disappointment.

Back to school and as I reached in the morning I was so anxious to find out which class I was in. That year the names were announced in a general meeting. There were a few close first/christian names to mine; every time I heard a close name my heart would skip a beat, especially since they didn't reach the top class' list as yet.

There were two more classes left to put students in. The top class students were being mentioned first and my ears were crystal clear. All the unnecessary cacophony in the room didn't disrupt me hearing the names being mentioned. The names escaped the teachers mouth too slowly and I was becoming impatient but still willing to wait. Half way down the list there my name was. A small smirk on my face evinced my massive excitement. I lined up behind the rest of my fellow classmates as I thought to myself, I was back on track.

Part 2: First challenge

8^th grade was different; all my close friends were in the more intelligent class and I felt disappointed in myself.  To be absolutely honest, I felt worthless. But all was not lost because my new personal trait built a new me.

Schools days were still normal. Parents were still normal. Friends were still normal and I still seemed normal, well maybe to everyone else I did.

I kept my goal, to succeed at every challenge, to myself.

I remember my parents telling me to study frequently and I did do as they say every time. What they didn't know was that I already did study, but I played along and went over my notes one more time.

I have been asked many times if it wasn't boring to study and to be quite honest it varied. There were times I could just sit and study everything and it felt great. There were other times it just felt the opposite. In 8^th grade, all I had for entertainment was my TV and internet.

I disliked watching TV, I still do.

Internet was ok I guess. All I did on it was to see how things are created and how things work. I was naturally interested in those things.  I was more interested in making things than using them.

I remember the days my friends used to pull their box trucks down the road. I did make one as well. Something like the one above. I can still picture the cork wheels and the small bamboo that we ran through the middle of the wheels so they could spin while being levelled  Most of my time with a box truck wasn't spent pulling it, but trying to figure out how I could connect a motor to the thin bamboo to make the wheels move automatically.

I tried to connect tight rubbers from the motor to the bamboo. It didn't work. I tried string didn't work. I force a gear onto the bamboo and tried that; that was the closest I went to success. The gears kept slipping off one another and when the bamboo did manage to spin, the wheels weren't spinning with it.

I gave up.

But then another one of my toys got de-constructed  it was me; well I couldn't let my parents know that. I found another motor and I decided to connect the two back wheels directly to two motors. It worked!

It never moved fluidly but it worked and I was happy. 

I wished I had a picture to show but unfortunately I don't.

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Journey part 1: The beginning

I have always wanted to be a form of doctor from the first time I had a private doctor. Her name was doctor Miller. At the age of 7, I was just astonished with the respect she received from everyone, no matter how old. I could just imagine my name being called, Dr. Anthony McPherson. Nope, that is too long. Dr. McPherson...... Just perfect.


As a 7 year old, success was just ‘my age’ without a meaning and even up to 7th grade the word was still empty. 7th grade was pure idling for foolish me. I just never learned and I got the shock of my life.


It wasn't until 8th grade that it came to my attention how serious life was. All that puerile behaviour I exhibited along with my classmates in 7th grade landed me in a less academically aggressive 8th grade and they, somehow went into the top 8th grade. I thought my journey for success started there; it was time consuming but I was determined.


I became determined to succeed at challenges that seemed difficult. It was all just to prove a point in the begging but as time progressed, it became a PERSONAL TRAIT.



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